Sometimes I think I should have been a doctor instead of a romantic comedy author. I mean, I have no aptitude for science, and needles make me woozy, but I could totally rock the bad handwriting.
Which I why I probably shouldn’t rely my own grocery lists, to-do lists, or other organizational tools that require handwritten words. Besides the abysmal penmanship, I have a tendency to get distracted or to use unclear phrasing in my lists. The results can be confusing. And comical. But mostly confusing.
Here are a few choice items that have appeared on my recent lists:
- This word showed up on my grocery list, and I spent a good twenty minutes perusing the store looking for something resembling seemach. Turns out it was my chicken-scratch way of writing “spinach.”
- Buy ball, strap. It was for yoga, I swear. But I had a solid minute of trying to recall when I decided to get into hardcore bondage.
- Reply to sketchy lady. This was on my to-do list at the day job, where I work as the PR & Communications Manager for my local tourism bureau. I had a tough time narrowing down which sketchy lady I meant to remind myself to contact.
- FAM planning. In the aforementioned PR world, a “FAM trip” is a familiarization tour designed to acquaint a group of journalists with a destination. Common enough lingo in the day job, but I was in author mode when I glanced at it. Immediately began pondering what sort of birth control/family planning plotline I meant to include in my manuscript.
- Mom = Not a raccoon. This was on a list of plot ideas for a book I was working on a few months ago. I still have no idea what it meant.
- Buy pot. For the record, it’s legal here in Oregon. But I actually intended to purchase a vessel for my blueberry plant.
- More romance. I couldn’t figure out why this one was on my grocery list last night. Felt disappointed when I found myself in front of the lettuce going, “ahh…romaine.”
That’s just a tiny sampling of my listing blunders in recent months. Speaking of list mishaps, that’s the premise for my new erotic romantic comedy coming Jan. 30.
The List is the story of Cassie, a brainy soil scientist who invents a wild sex life to shock her buttoned-up sisters. Realizing she’ll have to retell the stories in explicit detail at a bachelorette party, she makes a list of some of her biggest whoppers. A fine idea until she accidentally spills wine on her laptop and has to do the walk of shame to a computer repair shop where a sexy geek is all too happy to lend her a hand. And…uh, a few other body parts.
Suffice it to say, there’s a little more nudity involved than there is with my lists. I hope you enjoy it!
Tawna Fenske is a USA Today bestselling author who writes humorous fiction, risqué romance, and heartwarming love stories with a quirky twist. Her offbeat brand of romance has received multiple starred reviews from Publishers Weekly, one of which noted, “There’s something wonderfully relaxing about being immersed in a story filled with over-the-top characters in undeniably relatable situations. Heartache and humor go hand in hand.”
Tawna lives in Bend, Oregon with her husband, step-kids, and a menagerie of ill-behaved pets. She loves hiking, snowshoeing, standup paddleboarding, and inventing excuses to sip wine on her back porch. She can peel a banana with her toes and loses an average of twenty pairs of eyeglasses per year.