I’ve been excited about Scream Queens since I heard that Jamie Lee Curtis was cast in the roll of the Dean. I mean, she’s Scream Queen royalty. If she agreed to the show, it HAS to be great, right? Yeah, the two-hour premier didn’t disappoint. It’s campy horror at its finest. I had to take some time to really think about it, though, because they threw everything but the kitchen sink at us.

This year seems to be the year of the campy horror television shows. MTV’s Scream has really pulled it off, and it’s impossible to avoid comparing the two, especially since they’re giving such heavy nods to past horror movie franchises. As Scream’s horror guru Noah says—the only way a slasher TV show would work is if viewers are invested in the characters.

But first, let’s get to the set up.

Fair warning – spoilers abound!

Every good horror flick has an origin story and Scream Queens is no different. Twenty years ago (1995…which makes me feel extremely old) the Kappas let one of their sisters—who had just had a baby—bleed to death in a tub while they jammed out to TLC. It seems like being a sociopath is pretty much a requirement to join this sorority, with the sole exception of the girl who sat with the baby (more on that later).

Fast forward twenty years, there’s a new generation of Kappas, each worse than the last, and Bathtub Baby would be old enough to find his/her way back to the same college where his/her mother died. The string of that storyline dangled in front of viewers isn’t really surprising, exactly, but I think the strength of this show is going to end up being it playing against our expectations (or at least I hope so).

There are some instantly recognizable elements in the first episode. You have the mysterious boy who’s got a hard on of the negative sort for the Kappa house, the bright eyed, bushy tailed new girl who has all the elements of a traditional Survivor Girl (the last girl left standing), and a whole cast of characters that may or may not be more than they seem.

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And the deaths are pretty inventive. This isn’t your typical slasher with a knife-wielding masked person—though he is masked as a red devil and he does have a knife. One could argue that the “accident” that got Chanel to be Queen B of the Kappas was also his fault (which supports my ongoing theory below). Then there’s the prank gone wrong that knocks out the housekeeper, the mowing off one pledge’s head, the knifing of the other security guard, and the not-really-a-death of Boone. Yeah, apparently one or two deaths wasn’t enough for the premier—they had to resort to mass murder.

My favorite one, though, was Chanel #2. That was just…perfection. Oh, here’s a masked red devil, let’s flirt with him via text while he’s standing there being all menacing. And then he’s attacking you, so let’s continue to text him “please stop!” instead of, I don’t know, saying it aloud. Or screaming. Screaming is good. It was just topped off by the fact that she put out her plea for help via Facebook (or whatever their knockoff version is). I was DYING during that scene.

So onto the nitty gritty—the characters. They’re all in the appropriate age range to be the Bathtub Baby and they all have various motivation to be offing Kappas, so it’s still kind of a free for all on that note.

First off, you have the apparent Survivor Girl and her love interest, Diego. Survivor Girl’s mom died when she was little (Bathtub Baby, is that you?) and she’s close with her dad, which is cute, but it’s less cute that he’s basically strong arming the Dean into giving him a job (not that she requires much motivation) and sitting outside the Kappa house in his car in the dark. Not creepy at all, Dad. Jeez. She’s got the self-righteous attitude that drives me batty without fail, and she’s a crusader to boot (“Let’s get the Kappas back to a sisterhood! Because my dead mom was a Kappa and I want to feel close to her!”). Honestly, she’s one of the least interesting characters in the show, but her existence is expected, so here she is. Diego is ALSO self-righteous (maybe they’ll knock boots and have self-righteous babies), but he’s got a maybe-mysterious motivation to bring the Kappas down, and he’s got a red devil outfit (how did we not know it was the school mascot until that moment?) so OMG HE MUST BE THE KILLER. Which basically means he’s not.

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There’s an older Kappa who’s sticking around in a love-hate sort of way (and is an attorney, except maybe not?) who may or may not be the girl who sat with Bathtub Baby back in the day. The pledges are all kind of meh, with the sole exception of Hester, who’s in a neck brace and obsessed with death. It was really refreshing seeing Lea Michele playing someone so deliciously creepy, and she’s one of my top 3 characters so far.

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Then you have the three Chanels (#2, #3, and #5). Apparently there was a #4 but she died of meningitis? I think I heard that right. #2 is the only one during the course of events who’s like “Er, maybe we should report this! I’m leaving!” and then she promptly gets offed. I don’t know if we’ve seen the last of her, though, because, judging from the previews for later episodes, characters don’t necessarily stay dead. #3 interests me because on the surface she’s this complete airhead, but she just whips out knowledge like whoa at the most random times. And #5 reeks of the desperation of a girl clinging to tradition. She relies on the Kappas and doesn’t want them to change. So at least #3 and #5 could be the killer.

Next, you have the fraternity dudes. We see a few more of them at the very end of the episode, but the two who get the most screen time are Chad (because OF COURSE his name is Chad) and his bro, Boone. Chad is, like most everyone else in the show, kind of a totally awful person. He’s dating Chanel and cheating on her, and is a psych major (though apparently he’s on academic probation) who likes to just trot out psych terms and whatnot. One would expect Chad to be as homophobic as other dude-bros that population fiction, but Boone is his (gay) best friend and he’s totally willing to let his scared BFF crawl into bed with him because Boone’s his bro (“Just don’t touch my wiener again, bro.”).

And Chanel. Oh, Chanel. I have a deep and abiding weakness for Queen Bs. The more awful and narcissistic they are, the more I love them. Chanel is the worst of the worst. She’s just a horrible person from the very start. As Chad says, she’s a spoiled little rich girl who’s homophobic and racist and a whole host of other charms. She’s also got a devastating sarcastic streak and the best dialogue in the show.

The one who really steals every scene she’s in, though, is the Dean. She’s initially presented as this kind of crusader against the Kappas, but as the layers start getting peeled back, she’s in the same league as Chanel (can they Thelma and Louise off into the sunset together? PLEASE?). She’s blackmailing Chad into sleeping with her to avoid academic probation (“You are really, really awful at sex. Just bad.”), and basically feeling up a concerned parent—and then giving him a job with what appears to be the sole intention of sleeping with him (Survivor Girl’s dad is a stone cold fox, for real).

So who’s the killer? My money is on Chanel (though I’m almost afraid to hope). Which, frankly, would be awesome. Everyone killed has done her wrong to one degree or another. It would mean the red devil has nothing to do with Bathtub Baby. Talk about a twist. If that’s not the case, I don’t know how they’re going to pull it off. Unless all the Kappas getting killed are legacies, how does murdering them do justice for Bathtub Baby’s mom (or whatever tiny thread of motivation that could be used)? And if Survivor Girl is Bathtub Baby…Well, I guess she could be getting some sort of twisted revenge for her dead mom. And then there’s Boone, who appears to be in league with the killer? What purpose do they have in faking his death?

So many questions. One thing’s for sure—if a slasher show can only get by on the strength of its characters, Scream Queens will be sticking around for a good amount of time. And I’m all about it.

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Katee Robert learned to tell stories at her grandpa’s knee. Her favorites then were the rather epic adventures of The Three Bears, but at age twelve she discovered romance novels and never looked back. Though she dabbled in writing, life got in the way—as it often does—and she spent a few years traveling, living in both Philadelphia and Germany. In between traveling and raising her two wee ones, she had the crazy idea that she’d like to write a book and try to get published. Her first novel was an epic fantasy that, God willing, will never see the light of day. From there, she dabbled in YA and horror, before finally finding speculative romance. Because, really, who wouldn’t want to write entire books about the smoking-hot relationships between two people? She now spends her time—when not lost in Far Reach worlds—playing imaginary games with her wee ones, writing, ogling men, and planning for the inevitable zombie apocalypse. Visit her on her website, Facebook, or Twitter!