WOMAN SEEKING VAMPIRE:
Likes to keep things casual
Absolutely no poetry
Zero romance required.
Silver Harris is over clingy men—maybe men altogether. But when she shares a toe-curling kiss with a sexy Irish vampire on New Year’s Eve, she wonders if maybe it’s human men she’s fed up with. Silver turns to the popular vampire dating site, V-Date, only to discover that vampire men are just as unimpressive as their mortal counterparts. And her mysterious hottie? He’s nowhere to be found.
Can’t a girl catch a break?
Logan Byrne can’t get that sassy redhead—or that kiss!—out of his head. When his boss assigns him to spy on V-Date, he meets Silver again. Turns out, the police are recruiting humans to snitch on vampires through the dating site. As the snark and sparks fly, feelings between Silver and Logan deepen. But, when old demons resurface—literally—Logan isn’t sure he can shield either of them from the dangers that have been lying in wait for centuries.
Five of my favorite romantic comedies and how they’d work better with vampires…
by Juliet Lyons
- Sex and the City
I’ve been a massive Sex and the City fan since its launch back in the late nineties. I vividly recall sitting around with my friends in our university digs in London laughing our heads off as their wild dating escapades danced across the screen. Samantha, the try-sexual has always been a favourite character. From BDSM to delivery guys, she’ll try anything once.
Which is why I feel if Samantha was given the chance to date a vampire she’d jump at the chance. I can picture it now… A shadowy figure emerging from the shadows outside her apartment building. As he moves into the glow of the street light, she realises what he is. Instead of being afraid however, fearless Sam is thrilled. She invites him up for coffee. The next morning when she meets the girls for breakfast there are two small bite marks on her neck. Boy, does she have a tale to tell.
- Bridget Jones’ Diary
Who does not love and empathise with the ever-hopeful Bridget Jones? She finds herself torn between sensible, caring Mark Darcy and narcissistic but outrageously fun ladies’ man Daniel Cleaver. Mark Darcy, though undeniably dashing, can often come across as rather staid and set in his ways. Which is why I think it would be thrilling if he turned out to be harbouring a deep, dark secret…
Bridget attends the annual New Year’s Day Turkey Curry Buffet where she encounters childhood acquaintance Mark Darcy wearing not a badly knitted reindeer sweater but a long leather duster jacket and sporting a newly inked tattoo. He invites Bridget to take a stroll around her mother’s garden with him. She agrees. After all she’s known Mark all her life, he’s perfectly safe—isn’t he? There, behind the rhododendron bushes, he reveals his secret. He has been turned into a vampire and is on the hunt for more than a just a succulent leftover turkey leg. Bridget stubs out her cigarette and shrugs. Most men end up sucking the life from her anyway, she thinks, so why not?
- Never been kissed
I love the movie ‘Never been kissed’ where Drew Barrymore returns to her former high school to pose as a student for a newspaper article she’s writing. As a real student, she was tormented by the other kids, cruelly labelled Josie Grossie. She was affected so much by the bullying she never got to experience her first kiss. Enter hot English teacher Sam who, believing Josie to be a high school student, is ashamed by his burgeoning feelings for her…
A cool twist would be if Josie’s high school was in fact a school for vampires… Instead of having never been kissed, Josie is a vampire who has never been bit. When she returns to write her newspaper article she is blown away by hot vampire professor, Mr Coulson, a shy sensitive vamp who has been waiting an eternity to find his true love. By a poetic twist of fate, he too has never been bit. The movie ends with them necking at the annual vampire ball. Sigh.
- 50 First Dates
Another Drew Barrymore classic (I love her). Henry, a marine veterinarian falls for Lucy, a woman with short-term memory loss. Every morning when she wakes up, she has forgotten that happened the day before and so every day Henry (Adam Sandler) must make her fall for him all over again… 50 First Dates could totally work as a vampire movie. The heroine could be a centuries old vampire who falls in love with the same mortal man over and over again, chasing him through time as he reincarnates into fifty different lifetimes… It could work. Honest!
I love this movie so much! Sarah and Jonathan meet one Christmas while reaching for the same pair of gloves in a department store. They are both in relationships with other people but spend the evening together, carried away by a powerful connection. At the end of the evening, Sarah writes her name and number in a book which she then donates to a second-hand store. Jonathan writes his name and number on a five-dollar bill which Sarah then uses to pay for a magazine and some gum. They go their separate ways, hoping that fate will eventually throw them, or the means to get in touch, together…
If Serendipity were a vampire movie, they would have met centuries ago in Russia at a royal banquet. Members of the aristocracy both engaged to other people, the pair inscribe their names and a special place known only to them into the back of an old family portrait hanging in the ballroom where they met. That way if they are ever free they can track the other one down. They do their duty to their families, marrying their betrothed and producing heirs. Then during the great vampire uprising of 1756 (Yeah, there was one. I just made it up) both are turned immortal. Banished by their families, they each separately return to the ballroom. However, the mansion has fallen into disrepair and stripped of its valuables. The portrait could be anywhere! For the next two and a half centuries they scour the globe, searching for the other. Their search eventually takes them to Manhattan, where they find the portrait hanging in the Guggenheim Museum… I’ll leave the ending up to you.
If you could insert a swoony, sexy vampire into any movie, which would you choose? Let us know in the comments!
JULIET LYONS is a paranormal romance author from the UK. She holds a degree in Spanish and Latin American studies and works part-time in a local primary school where she spends far too much time discussing Harry Potter. Since joining global storytelling site Wattpad in 2014, her work has received millions of hits online and gained a legion of fans from all over the world. When she is not writing, Juliet enjoys reading and spending time with her family.